Friday, March 25, 2011

March Madness

Today, I just want to throw in the towel. I apologize to anyone reading , this is my little venting session. I think Facebook is too public to be posting your personal stuff. Not that this isn't a private blog or anything, but I don't get as much traffic. So this is my therapy. Have you ever felt like you go and go and go...and its not enough? I'm sure you have. Coworkers and friends keep asking me how school is going. I'm not gonna lie, I pretty much hate it. I wish that I was just done. I enrolled knowing that it wouldn't be easy. I work full time nights, and it is so hard being sleep deprived. And then when I'm not in school, I worry about my job. It has been slow and I've lost hours. I'm trying to have faith and hang on, but sometimes its just hard. I know that when my problems get too much, I need to just hand it over to the Lord. I feel at times that I can't do it. This sounds terrible, I know...but let me say my day got better.

I got my results on my next exam and the results were pretty much the same as the first exam. Needless to say, as a whole the class continues to struggle. I seriously am trying to fight through this. Going back to school for me is like a have to instead of a want to. Its how I feel. But its not over. Round two with my fight with Biology has me down, but i'm not out. I'm not going to give up.

Reminds me of a song from my first go round with College, Tubthumping...i'm aging myself.

"I get knocked down, But I get up again .. You're never going to keep me down......We'll be singing When we're winning. We'll be singing."

Then, three hours later as I was driving home from Henderson. And might I add, its a loooong commute..I saw a sign on the back of a truck "GOD LOVES YOU" . As I saw this sign on the truck. I was thinking about how when you can't give anymore, you need to hand it over to the Lord. There are times I don't think I do that enough. As I was making my way through Henderson and contemplating things, I decided to turn on whatever CD was in my player. It happened to be a artist by the name of Michael Mclean. He writes alot of uplifting music. The song that happened to play had lyrics that at the time felt just for me:
"Will he really answer me,
Will he see what my heart needs?
Will he have the time for me, will he really answer me?"

And in the next verse I listened carefully....

"He's never broken his promise, he'll be there. He hears each word, heartfelt thought in prayer. He's devoted to you. He'll help you know what is true. Thats what he's promised, that's what he's promised to do."

So with that being all said and done. I feel like I had a prayer answered today. And my answer is to not give up. Keep fighting...and that's what I will do.

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