July 12th.

Memories attack, well kinda.  Warning, my post is a write down of feelings. I wanted to write this down for myself, so when in the future this happens again I can read this and I can say its ok. I went shopping today, I was gathering things for a care package I was making.  I went into this wig shop called Serge's. My mom had shopped there on occasion. And today, I went there looking for a knit cap for the head. My mom used to wear them at night when her head got cold. And as I was driving to Serge's I realized I was going back to the place that my Mom had spent so many years working, Spartan Health Food's.  My Mom had only worked part time but she had spent alot of time there, you know? Anyway as I walked into the shop it physically looked different. But it was still hard, because I was picturing the way it used to look. And when I was browsing through the store and I saw the cute scarves on the mannequin's head..I quickly went for help when I saw the price. I knew there were cheaper things in there. As the salesclerk led me to the back of the store I saw it. The cap my mom wore. As I was picking out a couple of caps for my friends mother, it just kind of hit me all at once. The moment she had her attack, the days I spent at my mothers side...the nights I sobbed. It just kind of came over like a whoosh. And it was hard. As I was talking to the owner and the salesclerk we were talking about how both of our parents had passed away, and her dad was a frequent customer to Spartans. Looking back, everytime I would go into spartans and smell the odor coming from the store, not a bad odor, but that of vitamins and supplements and juices that my mom would make, it was familiar to me. And I guess I missed that today. And as I left and went to my car, I just cried. And I was thinking, this is so dumb. What is wrong with me? And as I talked with my dear friends today, I have come to learn, that there are and will be triggers....and crying it out is ok.  Thats is all and it is enough, i'm together again.