Wednesday, April 17, 2013


As I sit here in the middle of the night, nursing a super bad attack of allergies..and doing middle of the night things, I feel the need to write this down for me. I am p.o.'d .  I had my first encounter with what I think is either a case of dementia..or alzheimer's...or just getting old. I phoned my grandma, who moved to texas . Who I have not called since Christmas. She has not once phoned me since she moved down there. Everytime I call the calls are weird. This time she railed on me. She sounded mad...over sheets. Thats right. The sheets we lie on at night? Yup..she said I called her in the middle of the night and I told her I hated them. And..she told me that she was not going to call..or write. I have called once at christmas...and the other was in October! Sometimes I feel why do I bother? Its like I keep getting a door slammed in my face. I try to be positive, but you know what? Its hard. Its hard sometimes being apart of a church who's focus is on the family. And the family that has unconditional love for me, is not here. But with that being said..I won't give up trying to make a contact with my grandma. I know she is in the twilight of her life. But I just think what gives seniors the right to be mean? Really?!! I have said this before, I wish I have learned to give zingers...but that is not me. No, I'm just the one that is on the receiving end and gets kicked in the stomach. Thats me.  But with all that being said. I am going to focus on being kind. And focus and realize the people that call me...that do care about me. They are the ones that matter. And to know that my Heavenly Father and Savior love me unconditionally. And that will do for now...

"There are those among you who, although young, have already suffered a full measure of grief and sorrow. My heart is filled with compassion and love for you. How dear you are to the Church. How beloved you are of your Heavenly Father. Though it may seem that you are alone, angels attend you. Though you may feel that no one can understand the depth of your despair, our Savior, Jesus Christ, understands. He suffered more than we can possibly imagine, and He did it for us; He did it for you."
- President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

The first song on here..even though is the anthem for EFY, I can relate to this tonight.


  1. She doesn't sound completely oriented. i will say one thing though -- if i was your grandma, i'd be glad that my granddaughter kept in touch. or cared enough to try. especially because i'd need forgiveness for my oldening craziness. but in heaven i'd be able to tell you how much it meant...when all is said & done.

  2. I appreciate that. I know that she is not of right mind it just hurts anyway. Someday I will have thick skin. But blogging is therapeutic- and I feel better!